Needy Black Cat

It's not often that I receive inspiration to write in the evenings, but tonight inspiration parked itself in front of me, asking for a response. I went out for a walk with a good friend, weaving through the downtown neighborhood. We stopped in front of a house to chat for a moment, and I heard a little meow ... I, of course, made a kissing-come-hither-kitty noise, and the cat came running. A beautiful black slithering leg rubbing thing, he decided to come on a walkabout with us. We walked and walked, and soon realized we should loop back and drop the kitty off where we found him ... we talked to a neighbor who didn't know who he could belong to. And so he followed us some more.

My friend kept saying that I was meant to bring him home, but I knew deep down that this was a test from the Universe. This week I took back my body, and have come full circle from surrendering to pregnancy and childbirth. I have given a lot of myself, physically, mentally and emotionally. We don't realize as we are embracing pregnancy and new-motherhood that we will be giving so much of ourselves over to sustain new life. We don't put a lot of thought into how things will affect us in the long run, and the impact of all that we say and do as those children grow. I realized, as this darling creature was following us, that he would probably be a trouble maker, and an attention fiend, and that he would most likely yowl through the night ~ I could see this neediness in him. What he really needed is someone who needs him back with just as much intensity. And so I kept walking, even when the lights of the downtown core brightened around us. And I kept walking, even when he stopped to sit on the sidewalk, knowing full well he shouldn't go any further. He called after me, asking "What do I do now? Where do I go? I'm hungry!" I kept walking because I knew that I could not provide the things for him that he ought to have. Even though it truly broke my heart.

Halfway down the next block, there were some people eating a late dinner on a bench. I heard the woman say "Could we go somewhere warmer to eat?", and it crossed my mind to mention the cat, but quickly disregarded it. I didn't say anything at all. My friend and I sent lots of love and light to the sweet, lonely, friendly, silky-smooth black kitty. He would surely find his place. We separated to our vehicles, and just as I started my van, my friend looped around with her window open to tell me that the cat was now with the people sitting on the bench. I feel that the cat is safe now, and has secured himself a home with someone who can devote the love, time, and attention that he will certainly require.

It is not up to me to feed the world, clothe the world, or comfort the world. Once upon a time I believed that I could survive on the love in my heart, but as I've matured, I have begun to realize that when you give too much of yourself you end up with less. When you learn to trust the Universe, and know that the Universe provides everything we need and ask for, you begin to develop the talent for channeling that energy. What I witnessed tonight is that I don't have to provide everything for everyone, and that I am not the only person who can provide solace to someone in need. We are always offered the people, circumstances and experiences that we need to grow. It is up to us to accept or decline.

Rain Here, Rain There

It is raining in the Cariboo this morning. It rained all last night. The sound, the smell, the sight of glorious wet rain is something I miss very much about living on the Coast. It hardly ever rains in the Cariboo ...

There was something about Squamish rain that allowed me to remain in a very deep part of myself for days at a time. The rain truly gives one permission to revert back into oneself, dwelling in that deep, dark, introverted place of reflection.

I remember the day I figured out that if my feet, hands and head were dry, I could walk in the rain for hours. The soft, insulated sound of the raindrops splatting on my umbrella kept me in a very safe space in my mind. The moist air would rise up around me, huddling inside the umbrella, supporting my head - my brain, my mind. There is something very grounding about that humid rain, even when it is so cold it find its' way into your bones. I miss the feeling of falling asleep to the sound of heavy, pounding rain assaulting my roof, and me safe and cozy under the covers of my bed. Under the covers of so many things ...

The open skies of the Cariboo have convinced me to open myself up more, to embrace the extrovert that I have the ability to be; a shapeshifter in nature. Although the absence of huge mountains and massive trees was a shock to me at first, I now appreciate the openness of this place. I was forced out of the nest in many ways when we moved here, and the absence of the security the mountains provided was very apparent for me. Now I feel free, open and ready to truly embrace my life, my future, my passions.

I feel like the Cariboo is preparing me, slowly feeding me experiences, getting me ready for ... well, that I do not know. The other day I became incredibly frustrated because I don't know where my path is leading me. There are things I think I want to be and do, but it seems as though the Universe has other plans for me ... plans that I am not privy to. The only message I received was "Enjoy your children". Is that all? Is that simplicity the thing I am supposed to embrace in this lifetime, or is it just what I am supposed to embrace right now? You might say the Cariboo is making me feel restless ...

I believe that every place we live, visit or pass through, has something o teach us about our lives, our world, our Universe. Tuning in to the heartbeat of a place is not exactly an easy task, especially if the circumstances that brought you there are challenging you. Believing that there is a purpose underlying everything that you experience is a powerful tool, one you will use at some point - it could be tomorrow, it could be next month, it could be five or ten years from now. If I can personally remember that, I am going to be well on my way to letting go of my restlessness, and embracing the moment I am in. Like this moment now, this beautiful feeling of connectedness I receive when I write.

Inspiration: What is Your Role?

Inspiration: Where does it come from, and do you have to participate? Messages are there for us all the time, but it is up to us to look deeply into these messages to discover their meaning. It is also up to us to act on our gut instinct and follow that feeling, wherever it leads us. I was reading "Jack and the Beanstalk" to my kids the other day, and it got me thinking about inspiration too ... you might even say it inspired me to write this post!

In the story, Jack and his mother are forced to sell their only source of income, their milk cow, out of dire necessity. The only possibility the Mom could think of was "sell the cow so we can eat". When Jack returns home, having traded the cow for "magic beans", she becomes incredibly upset, throws the beans out the window and sends Jack to bed with no supper. The beanstalk grows overnight. Jack, being a boy, climbs to the top to discover a very rich giant. He steals the valuable and magical items, urged on by a fairy who tells him the giant stole these items from Jack's father.

Jack must have had a moment of inspiration in order for him to trade the cow, their only source of income, for five magic beans. Surely he realized his mother might not be impressed!Sometimes it takes another person to help you recognize those inspired thoughts. Had Jack's mother not thrown the beans out the window, they might have cooked the beans and eaten them! But the rest is left up to Jack. When he climbs the beanstalk, he is taking an incredible risk. Further, he goes inside this massive castle and sticks around when the giant is revealed! It seems that no matter what happens, Jack follows that inner driving force all the way through to the end of the ordeal.

The fairy is another interesting point in the story, although a small moment, it is incredibly significant. The fairy truly demonstrates that Jack was being pulled towards his destiny - he was in that clear, silent, knowing space, feeling open to and in tune with the Universe and all its' messages. The moment that the fairy tells him that these magical items belonged to his father, he finally understands why he felt such a strong pull towards this moment. In a moment of such clarity, Jack had nothing left to lose.

When you receive an inspired thought from the Universe, it is up to you to act on that thought, and to truly manifest it. When you ignore, push aside, or disregard these moments of inspiration, you forgo an opportunity. When you repeatedly pay attention to, and act on, inspired thoughts you become more sensitive to their meaning over time. It is up to you to participate in the creation of your own existence, your own destiny, your own life. And when your situation only makes sense to you, and everyone around you begins to question your motives, accept this as part of the path towards your destiny. You know your own life better than anyone, and any signs, symbols or messages you receive from the Universe have been custom tailored for you. They probably won't make much sense to very many people. That is okay! Part of the journey towards something better than what you are today is a period of uncertainty, and that uncertainty is what creates a truly rewarding experience for you.

The next time you have an inspired thought, no matter what it is, no matter how small it may seem, I am challenging you to act on that thought. It might just be a thought you have "Maybe I'll take the long way home" - see where it leads you. It may be a moment where you are driving in your car, alone, and the music suddely sounds very close and might seem like it has an echo. Stop thinking and enjoy this moment of simple clarity. Choose green when your mind shouts "Green!" Or when it seems like it's taking you a lot longer to get out the door in the morning, take it as a message to slow down! Yes, it seems counterintuitive, but you're going to get to your destination at the same time ~ but you'll start your day feeling much more relaxed!

Part of this experience is learning to trust yourself - and to trust that the messages you are receiving are real. Trust builds slowly over time, so be patient with yourself, and enjoy the process.

Beginning of a Change

I was recently a part of something that I believe is the beginning of a change. My good friend and I recently facilitated a three-part workshop series titled "Woman & Spirit Series". When we first began planning for these events, I wasn't sure what to expect. But what transpired throughout the course of these three evenings was nothing short of miraculous. Let me tell you what I saw:

I saw a small sampling of women who are eager to soak up spiritual knowledge like sponges. Women who were brave, who overcame their inhibitions, and who, possibly unknowingly, behaved like warriors. These women surprised me with how open they became, and how willing they were to try something new. They closed their eyes and just listened - to themselves, to their own energy, to each other, and to that Divine presence ~ the one that is always there, and who speaks to us, even when we aren't listening.

One of the most beautiful moments throughout these workshops was when we chanted through our chakras, and we all joined as one, in voice and in spirit. It was an amazing feeling. Each woman present, in all the workshops, brought to us a unique energy: personal life experience, knowledge, a questioning nature, a gentle soul, a joyous presence, an inner strength, a loving heart, a quiet spirit, a wicked sense of humour, a knowing smile ... and so much more.

There is so much that I was able to witness, and so many moments that I am still reviewing in my mind ... I am sure I will be writing more about my observations in the future .... But for now, alas, I must return to the momentum of my day ... my son is awake from his nap, and is quite certain that he is ready to come out of his room ;o)

Until next time, love and light ~ Nicole